Written & directed by Artemas Gruzdeff

iPhone Frustrates Forensics ‘Experts’

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Wired reports:

"The iPhone is evil," says Amber Schroader, CEO of Utah-based Paraben, a leader in digital-forensics software development. "It's Mac OS X, and it's a completely closed system."

How incompetent you have to be to run ‘a leader in digital-forensics software development’? Extremely incompetent it seems. It’s a rare ability to put so much bullshit in such a short sentence.

Firstly, it’s ‘OS X’, not ‘Mac OS X’.

Secondly, ‘completely closed system’? Like you can’t get pretty much everything in or out? If you don’t know how to do it, it’s your problem. You are supposed to be experts. How you people love whining about anything that it is not Microsoft!

OK, I’m a bit harsh on Ms. Schroader. What she’s really saying is, “My job as a CEO is about cutting expenses so that I can receive a large bonus and buy luxury items. iPhone? I have no idea what it is, but it’s not Windows. I don’t what to hire anyone who knows what this thing is. It’s expensive. Why is it not Windows? Every high school kid can deal with Windows. In fact, all the ‘experts’ I employ are high school kids. I’m paying them 5 bucks more than McDonald’s. But someone who knows something about iPhone will probably ask for a real salary. I cannot afford it. Why is it not Windows? Damn you, Steve Jobs.”

That’s why I conduct all my criminal activities from a laptop running Haiku. They won’t get anything out of it in a million years.

Tags: Holy Grail.

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Hello, friend! My name is Artemas Gruzdeff.

You don’t know me, but I work at the phone company and know whom you’ve been talking to. Don’t worry, your secret is safe with me.

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