Written & directed by Artemas Gruzdeff
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
What kind of people run Digg? Check out their FAQ:
I want to delete my account, how do I do that?
You can request for your account removal by contacting support@digg.com.How can I delete a story I submitted?
Please contact support@digg.com to remove a story.How can I delete a comment I made?
Please send us the URL of the comment you want to delete.Why do you limit how many comments I can post over a certain amount of time?
You might have really fast fingers, but we limit the number of comments you can post.
Seems like these control freaks would feel quite at home in Stalinist Russia.
Then there is bombastic language worthy of a communist party executive:
Digg takes a firm stance against users who violate our Terms of Service. This is in order to protect the integrity of our system for the good of our community.
I think they are some kind of totalitarian cult or something.
And they are an ignorant lot, too:
Is it ok to have more than one account on Digg?
Unless you exist in two parallel universes at once, unfortunately no.
It’s like saying “unless the Earth is round”. Everyone exists in a hell of a lot of parallel universes. It’s like, the most basic knowledge about the world. As for this ‘at once’ bit I’m not sure it makes any sense at all, especially in this context. And I imagine whoever wrote this thought he was being clever. Come on, it’s not 17th century out there. Educate yourself a little.
But getting to the point. I think the FAQ as it is doesn’t get the core message across as effectively as it should. Therefore, I decided to give back to the community by proposing an improved version.
It has only one entry, but it’s the one entry you needed from the original anyway.
I want to delete my account, how do I do that?
Easy. Just post some porn. No need to email us at support@digg.com. You account will be immediately terminated and all your history erased. Also, your social security number will be invalidated; your citizenship, nullified; your bank accounts, arrested; your property, confiscated; your brain, pulverized; and your other organs, donated for the benefit of the Community.
Remember: we must protect the Community, the Integrity of the System and the Sanctity of the Algorithm.
Hallowed are those who abide by the Terms of Service.
Please note that this action cannot be reversed.
Tags: Joseph Stalin, GULAGG.
Hello, friend! My name is Artemas Gruzdeff.
You don’t know me, but I work at the phone company and know whom you’ve been talking to. Don’t worry, your secret is safe with me.
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This blog is intended as a comedy, but as an equal opportunity content producer I do not require consumers to have a sense of humor.
You cannot make a man by standing a sheep on its hind-legs. But by standing a whole flock of sheep in that position you can make a crowd of men. If man were not a gregarious animal, the world might have achieved, by this time, some real progress towards civilization. Segregate him, and he is no fool. But let him loose among his fellows, and he is lost — he becomes a unit in unreason.
The secret of being a bore is to tell everything.
I assure you, I’m not high.
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