Written & directed by Artemas Gruzdeff
Monday, September 03, 2007
I invented Facebook, OK? I invented Facebook in 1938. I can prove it. I kept the telegrams I exchanged with Zuckerberg's grandfather.
Friday, August 24, 2007
Jesus put a giant hole into the sky. SPACE.com reports:
The universe has a huge hole in it that dwarfs anything else of its kind. The discovery caught astronomers by surprise.
The hole is nearly a billion light-years across. It is not a black hole, which is a small sphere of densely packed matter. Rather, this one is mostly devoid of stars, gas and other normal matter, and it's also strangely empty of the mysterious "dark matter" that permeates the cosmos. Other space voids have been found before, but nothing on this scale.
Astronomers don't know why the hole is there.
"Not only has no one ever found a void this big, but we never even expected to find one this size," said researcher Lawrence Rudnick of the University of Minnesota.
“It’s a sign that Jesus is bored with scientists,” said in a private interview with me one former mega-church leader. “No more burying of dinosaur bones for you either, you arrogant bastards. It’s a sign that Rapture is near. Repent you sins.”
Hello, friend! My name is Artemas Gruzdeff.
You don’t know me, but I work at the phone company and know whom you’ve been talking to. Don’t worry, your secret is safe with me.
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This blog is intended as a comedy, but as an equal opportunity content producer I do not require consumers to have a sense of humor.
You cannot make a man by standing a sheep on its hind-legs. But by standing a whole flock of sheep in that position you can make a crowd of men. If man were not a gregarious animal, the world might have achieved, by this time, some real progress towards civilization. Segregate him, and he is no fool. But let him loose among his fellows, and he is lost — he becomes a unit in unreason.
The secret of being a bore is to tell everything.
I assure you, I’m not high.
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