Written & directed by Artemas Gruzdeff
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
As soon as Steven Sinofsky replaced Jim Alchin as the chief Windows guy at Microsoft he renamed the upcoming Windows Vienna to Windows 7.
Windows 7. That’s good. I like it very much. Simple, but classy. Like Mac OS X.
The name change will allegedly prevent another Vista-esque development process. In the related news, there will be no Office 13. Instead, the numbering goes from 12 straight to 14. Silly superstitions, you think? Not at all.
It’s called magic and it is, in fact, a practice well established in the computer industry. Technically speaking, what Mr. Sinofsky did is cast a spell. Now, I don’t know the exact details and, of course, no one involved talks about this kind of stuff (they are all bound by oath, or course, and will be dead or worse before they try to speak), but I’m sure as hell that the next Windows will be released on schedule.
Did you know that Microsoft Office owes much of its success to mandrake root and virgin’s blood? It’s true. Now that Mr. Sinofsky has been assigned to Windows expect some really dark magic on Windows front as well.
This name, however, doesn’t exactly play along established brand qualities. I mean, no one would take seriously a Microsoft product named just ‘Windows 7’. Windows Live Cloud Infrastructure Enterprise Basic Enhanced Edition—that’s the kind of Microsoft branding we came to love. Thankfully, ‘Windows 7’ is not a final name.
My guess is, when it comes out, Windows 7 will be known as Windows and the Deathly Hallows.
By the way, speaking of silly superstitions, a necklace with a clove of garlic which Mr. Sinofsky always wears around his neck is, in fact, silly; not because it offers little protection against a modern vampire, but because it makes him personally unpleasant.
Tags: Inexaustible Fountain Of Cash, Magical Thinking, Horcrux.
Hello, friend! My name is Artemas Gruzdeff.
You don’t know me, but I work at the phone company and know whom you’ve been talking to. Don’t worry, your secret is safe with me.
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You cannot make a man by standing a sheep on its hind-legs. But by standing a whole flock of sheep in that position you can make a crowd of men. If man were not a gregarious animal, the world might have achieved, by this time, some real progress towards civilization. Segregate him, and he is no fool. But let him loose among his fellows, and he is lost — he becomes a unit in unreason.
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