Written & directed by Artemas Gruzdeff
Monday, August 13, 2007
Every now and then (once a year or so) aspiring Bill Gates’s surrogate Ray Ozzie comes out and strikes the world as a great communicator.
It was just so on July 26 when Mr. Ozzie spoke before Wall Street analysts.
In his enlightening talk he used words:
These changes in the environment almost always catalyze the creation of some new solutions that leverage the new capabilities enabled by that technology shift.
This is awesome. How does he do that? Is it spontaneous? Does he only talk this way or does he think this way, too?
And it goes like this for quite a while.
These are generally ad-monetized applications, and because of that, there's synergy in sharing data and features among the apps at this level.
Does this really mean anything? Who cares? Read it aloud. Seriously. It’s beautiful. It’s got the synergy.
A word of caution, though: don’t try to understand. It will ruin everything. I did and instantly developed a splitting headache. Trust me. Just read the words, listen to the music.
I believe we're the only company with the platform DNA that's necessarily to viably deliver this highly leveragable platform approach to services.
OK, I almost got that. “Our company strategy is something about leveraging our platforms.” I’m quite sure I’ve read it somewhere else before. Oh, yes, it was June 10 Dilbert.
I especially like how he made ‘leverage’ into an adjective. Though according to Merriam-Webster and the Oxford English Dictionary ‘leveragable’ is not a word, I think it’s their loss.
Still, it was not all purely theoretical. In a striking and unexpected move Mr. Ozzie announced impending plans to make important announcements:
And over the course of the next 12 to 18 months, we are going to begin introducing a number of new and very key components both at the platform layer and at the app layer.
“Very key”. I like the sound of that.
Strangely, the stock market was not impressed.
Hello, friend! My name is Artemas Gruzdeff.
You don’t know me, but I work at the phone company and know whom you’ve been talking to. Don’t worry, your secret is safe with me.
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This blog is intended as a comedy, but as an equal opportunity content producer I do not require consumers to have a sense of humor.
You cannot make a man by standing a sheep on its hind-legs. But by standing a whole flock of sheep in that position you can make a crowd of men. If man were not a gregarious animal, the world might have achieved, by this time, some real progress towards civilization. Segregate him, and he is no fool. But let him loose among his fellows, and he is lost — he becomes a unit in unreason.
The secret of being a bore is to tell everything.
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